Perverts 'R' Us

The Worst Story

By Pedro Vila (MF, bad writing, humour)

Note: All people and events in this story are entirely fictitious.

It was a dark and stormy night and she was beautiful. Her eyes were like limpid pools of rich semen, begging me to swim in them.

"Let's screw." I asked, giving a sly wink with my eyes.

"Sure. Smoking or non smoking section?" came the seductive reply.

I ripped off her dress and took off her pants, then I did the same with mine. We stood there, sitting on the edge of the bed. I waited to make her first move.

My manly penis started to get hard.

I started by gently grabbing a handful of her rich red hair to yank her face to my manly penis and she took all sixteen inches of it in her mouth. She then reached down and grabbed my cock with her hands.

"Oh, that feels good." she said.

My manly penis started to get hard.

She guided my manly penis to her sweet mine shaft and I entered it with a flashlight. She felt so good around me that I almost came in her mouth. I started to think of baseball scores to prolong the agony. I leaned back as she straddled me and watched her ride a pony like a rodeo champ. The bed creaked too much so I rolled over on top of her and adjusted the pillows on the couch to make room.

"." I said lovingly. She rolled her eyes at me and I rolled them back.

My mainly penis started to get hard.

World hunger is something we all needed to be aware of so I told her I needed to use a condom before we went any further. She flicked her dark brown hair from her face and said she had one in her car. We walked out together with my cock still in her mouth. It was a nice spring day and the birds were singing on key. The TV was blaring and we turned it off and went inside.

Mainly my penis started to get hard and I brushed her luscious blonde hair from her eyes to ram all twelve inches of it into her gaping maw which was open and ready for my ten inches of manly shaft which had been waiting for days to finally have the tender moment that we had been dreaming about since that day when we first met where I told her she had an excellent body and a face to go with it and she replied that I was not being a nice husband and if we were to save our marriage which had been in the doldrums since I lost my job at the dildo factory where I learned to make my manly penis hard during a lunch break with the boys, but I'm not gay if that's what your thinking even if some people told me I do look gay which I'm not, okay?

My manly penis went limp after that overly long sentence.

I could feel my balls.

I could feel my balls rap against her chin as I banged away like a bitch in heat. I was so turned on by her that I stuck my tongue in her mouth and tasted her red lips. I was going to cum soon.

I said, "I'm going to cum soon."

She said, "Oh, fuck me."

"Fuck you?"


"Then cum?"


"Oh, yes."


"Fuck me."

"Fuck ME!"

"I want you to cum."

"And I want you to cum."

"No, you first."

"No, please. After you."




Ummm.... Where was I?

Okay. He said, "I am going to cum now."

And she said, "I'm ready for you."

And then I came in her tight crotch. She swallowed a lot of cum then and I was proud of myself for having so much.

I did a victory dance around the campfire and then I had to take a pee. I pulled out of her and my manly penis hit her on the top of her bald head and it made a sound like a record of bird calls being played backwards at 78 RPM.

Then we had a cigarette and we smoked together.

I was in the smoking section.

And that was the end.

To be continued....